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The Wisdom of Biblical manhood in a confused world

Writer's picture: Joey HungerfordJoey Hungerford

“Who am I? How do I live my best life? What does it mean to be a good man? How can I help the men in my community to grow and thrive?” - MRC


These are the opening questions inviting young men to check out the Men's Resource Center (MRC) at my local university. It is one of the first and few such centers in the nation. Though it is funded by student government (and student tuition fees), the MRC is now additionally staffed by the university as a department. It was started for the social justice work of preventing sexual violence by reaching men who may be reluctant to seek counseling services. They also endeavor to get young men to attend college, a disparity that continues to grow in our culture. While these are all good endeavors, I have found that the MRC is trying to help men with symptoms rather than the causes of some of these challenges. Their approach seems representative of our wider North American culture attempting to help young men today. Here is one of their belief statements:


“We believe that no one knows you better than yourself, and are committed to creating spaces in which you can be curious and courageous.” - MRC


Is this the right vector to put young men on? Do men find meaning by searching inward subjectively? As a Christian, I believe the greatest resource a man can have to discover how to live his best life and be a good man is God's Word and objective truth, which can judge the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (Hebrews 4:12-13), but the resource of God's word is absent from the MRC. According to the Psalmist, God knows us and can help establish our steps. He deeply understands every thought, word, and action surpassing even my self-awareness.


"O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether." Psalm 139:1-6


god's wisdom v. man's


God's wisdom penetrates deeper than psychology, sociology, or self-reflection, and this is good news! God knows you better than you do, and he loves you! He can be trusted with every part of your life because he wants you to have life to the full. 1 John 3:20  says "If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything". You practice the greatest possible self-care when you worship the God who loves you more than anyone.


This was the gospel message that men of God shared with me, to transform my heart as a college freshman ten years ago. I hope more men get to hear this message and I’m not sure where I would be without it. In our culture, what resources are offered to young men outside of God’s truth and God's plan and how are they encouraged to be “curious and courageous”?


The MRC states "porn can also be a normal and healthy way to explore aspects of your sexuality and sexual interests". The MRC hosts a weekly "sex toy bingo" night where men can win toys to take back to their dorms. Even when I was a student ten years ago, the University was highly encouraging students to participate in annual campus drag shows and underwear runs. These activities are a normalized part of student life, but should porn be normalized for men's health?


the destructiveness of porn


The majority of porn scenes contain physical violence, abuse against God's image bearers, dehumanizing them into machines for our pleasure. Porn directly contributes to human sex trafficking. Is this appropriate at any dose? Is it loving to encourage? 1 Corinthians 13:6 says "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth". Young men who are susceptible to porn addiction do not need to be offered more hits just for curiosity's sake. It is not loving to encourage people to degrade themselves in porn nor to live the lie that such a thing is healthy. The porn industry is a 90+ billion dollar American social injustice. It is detrimental to the soul and society.


As a college freshman, I struggled with this addiction. I didn't need sex toys, I needed God's truth. I didn't need my sexual ideology formed by the porn culture but by the word of God. Loving brothers and fathers in the church guided me to the truth. I memorized verses like 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 which taught me to control my own body in a way that was holy and honorable. No amount of willpower could solve it for me. I needed grace and accountability to do the work of healing my spiritual brokenness at the root of the problem. Those men in the church loved me by guiding me to truth and helping me to walk in it. God’s love is true love (2 John 1:6), and obedience to his commands leads to true transformation. This is the hope that young men need to hear.


Proverbs 13:20 reminds us: 'Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.'" As a college student I didn't learn manhood from other students, but from men who faithfully handled the Word of God. Wisdom wasn't gained from my educational degree, from my peers, or the latest AI model.


I remember the first time I saw the word porn it was being painted on a protest sign by my friend's Christian dad; "porn harms". It was also the first time I saw a protest sign, but it was the last time I saw someone protesting porn publicly. Unprotested, the ethic of normalizing porn and sexual sin has led to millions of STDs, divorces, abortions, and destroyed families. How many young men have no loving mother or father and are still suffering the consequences of porn and sexual sin? In my lifetime porn has been normalized while any shame or acknowledgment of the harm that porn causes has become the protested thinking.


Gary Wilson in "The Great Porn Experiment" states that symptoms often attributed to conditions like ADHD, depression, and OCD can sometimes be caused by pornography addiction, and that men can improve these symptoms by actively changing their porn-viewing behavior. In other words, the mental health crisis of men could be improved by abstaining from porn. It undoubtedly changes the way your brain works in the way you view and treat women.


Is porn protested or normalized in your church? Does your church offer better resourcing than what an MRC would advise? This isn't only a problem for the world we are reaching, it's a problem in our own churches and families. Last year Barna published their latest study on porn statistics. It states that 84% of reported porn users say they don't have anyone in their life to help them avoid pornography. Only 10% of U.S. Christians and churched adults say their church offers wanted help. 67% of pastors have a personal history of porn use. Most surprisingly, over half of practicing Christians are comfortable with viewing pornography, and over three in five Christians, 62 percent, tell Barna they agree a person can regularly view pornography and live a sexually healthy life. If our churches are to help young men and offer them hope, we cannot be comfortable with porn as society is.


sharing the glory of God's vision for men


The MRC recently had this to say on men’s mental health: “Men's mental health is shaped by our political and social environment. It's important to consider the impacts of the results of the recent election, especially on those of us who are queer, trans, people who can get pregnant, BIPOC, and immigrants - many of whom are also men.” This is an intentional statement, that leaves out women and insinuates that men can get pregnant. The MRC itself is staffed by 7-9 compensated student leaders of various gender identities. Again, the work of helping young men is needed in this world, but the world’s solutions pale in comparison to the work of God in our hearts and gender confusion is a poor substitute for God’s view of manhood and womanhood.


I sat down with the director of the MRC for about an hour and shared my testimony. Our time was civil and he actually asked my advice on some issues, though he was reluctant to discuss the truth of the Bible, which he felt people were too dogmatic about. He was curious to ask me about Ephesians 5 of all things, as some students he worked with oversimplified this passage to say that women should submit to men. "Oh no," I answered. "In context, Ephesians 5 calls young men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. In other words to die for women. Do you teach young men to die for women?"


He laughed at this thought and unfortunately, our time was cut short, but I look forward to more conversations and to developing more relationships with the young men of the MRC. This is the world we're evangelizing. This is a world asking questions of manhood and finding answers in the wrong places. This article isn't meant to be an attack on school resource departments. We need them very much. I hope to follow up this article with ongoing conversations in these spaces so that other disciples can be further equipped to engage and be a present voice in these centers that help set the direction of student policy on our campuses. The MRC acknowledges that lost boys are looking for a way, looking for community, looking for accountability. I say boys don't learn wisdom or manhood from other boys. They find it anciently by Biblical men calling them home to what they're really looking for: King Jesus. G. K. Chesterton says it best:


“Man has always lost his way: He has been a tramp ever since Eden; but he always knew, or thought he knew what he was looking for. For the first time in history he begins really to doubt the object of his wanderings on the earth. He has always lost his way; but now he has lost his address.” - G.K. Chesterton


Joey Hungerford


Joey is a film maker, disciple maker, farmer, and father serving in the Pacific Northwest, where he became a disciple in 2014 at the University of Oregon. He and his wife Madison lead the University Church of Eugene. The Hungerfords have three children: Saoirse, Thaddeus, and Valor, all living on a multigenerational homestead with parents and grandparents. To connect with God, Joey enjoys backpacking in the Cascade mountains and permaculture gardening in the Willamette Valley.

You can contact him at joeyrhungerford@gmail.com

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