A biblical study of women's roles
- Tiffany Chacon
- Nov 4
- 27 min read
I come from a long line of “girl bosses.” My maternal great-grandmother was an accountant for a string of concentration camps in Siberia—the coldest habitable place on earth. She would drive a troika (a horse-drawn sleigh) across the tundra with her toddler—my grandfather, born in one of those camps—bundled in furs, to balance the books at each outpost. She was highly educated in a time when women of her station rarely were.
My grandmother worked as a secretary for a high-ranking military officer and attended top-secret meetings in vaults during the Cold War. She raised my mom as a single mother when that was far less common and carried a heavy stigma. She held her head high and modeled strength and independence.
My mother is a physician who also commands fifteen-hundred-pound horses in competition. She embodies intellect, grit, and authority.
Me? I can’t claim their level of girl-boss-ness, but I was student body president of my high school, president of our campus Christian organization, a five-time national champion equestrian, and graduated summa cum laude from the University of Florida.
Why am I telling you this?
Because I’m writing about women’s roles. And if you assume this is coming from someone who is naturally meek and mild, think again.
I am not.
I’m fiercely competitive, comfortable in leadership, and prone to a don’t-tell-me-what-to-do attitude. When I first became a Christian, I bristled at Paul’s words on women’s roles. There’s still a note in the margins of my Bible from my teenage self that reads: “Is this Paul’s opinion?”—a very opinionated girl, indeed.
But over decades of study and prayer, I’ve wrestled with these passages. What I’m sharing here isn’t because my personality leans toward easy submission. Quite the opposite. It’s the result of surrendering my natural bent to Scripture, even when it rubs against every fiber of my independence.
A word before we begin.
I know this topic has bruised some of us. For many, conversations about “roles” have been used to control. If that’s your story, I’m truly sorry. I don’t write this to win an argument or to load anyone with shame. I write as a woman who wrestled with these passages and who firmly believes God’s design is for our good. As you read, would you set aside whatever label you most identify with for a moment—complementarian, egalitarian, unsure—and come with me to the text? If God’s Word is true and God’s heart is kind, we can expect both clarity and compassion there.
I’d like to start by defining some terms that are specific to this discussion:
Complementarian: the belief that women and men are equal in value and dignity but have inherently different roles.
Egalitarian: the belief that men and women are equal in value and that there is no difference between men and women’s roles.
This topic is one that’s been written on and preached about plenty. I’m only trying to offer a plain view of what I see in Scripture. My hope and prayer for this article (and any future articles that I write on this subject) is that this will be easily accessible for the average Bible reader and help you form stronger convictions on this topic.
The Creation Account
I’d like to start this discussion in the Creation account. The Genesis account is the foundation of men and women and God’s intention in their roles throughout life. So often people want to start this discussion in 1 Timothy 2, but I think that’s jumping the gun. Let’s start by reading the creation account:
26 "Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth." (Genesis 1:26-28 ESV 2016)
First, a few things to note:
- The creation account is split into two accounts. This is the first mention of the creation of men and women but we’ll dive into Genesis 2 for an even more detailed explanation of their creation.
- In verse 26, when God says ‘Let us make man in our image’ the word ‘man’ is plural. It refers to “mankind” rather than “male.” Thus:
Both men and women are made in the image of God.
Both men and women are given dominion over the earth.
Dominion means sovereignty or control over. This is important to note that men and women have been tasked together to take care of the earth and have authority or control over it.
Now, let’s dive into the more detailed Genesis 2 account:
"Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature. 8 And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed. 9 And out of the ground the Lord God made to spring up every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil…
15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat[d] of it you shall surely die.”
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for[e] him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed[f] every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam[g] there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made[h] into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”[i]
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." (Genesis 2:7-25, ESV 2016)
What stands out to you about this account? I know it’s one we’ve read many times in Sunday school, but go back and take a moment to see what details call out to you.
(Don’t worry, I’ll wait.)
Here’s a few things that I noted:
Adam is clearly created first—and quite a few things happen between the time Adam is created and Eve is created. It seems like Eve is not present while Adam names the animals. He works the garden without her at first.
Eve is made from Adam (v. 21-22) whereas Adam is made from the ground.
Adam was given the command to not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil before Eve was created.
Adam, and humanity as a whole, was incomplete without Eve. Every animal created by God had both male and female. But when God created only a male human, the human race was not viable until a female was created.
It’s significant that Eve’s creation comes after Adam’s—and that she is created from him instead of also being created from the ground.
“The man was created first before the woman. Modern readers think little of this and move quickly on, but ancient Jews, accustomed to the laws of primogeniture (both in their Scriptures and in surrounding cultures) that gave the firstborn a double share of any inheritance (Deut. 21:17, seemingly illustrated already in Gen. 27:19 and 49:3, spiritualized in 2 Kgs 2:9 and presupposed in Luke 15:12) might well have seen this as a sign of privilege.” – Blomberg, Two Views, 129
Primogeniture is the right of the firstborn child to inherit most or all of their parent’s estate.
Egalitarians like to point out that while primogeniture was the cultural norm, God would frequently make exceptions to this (Jacob and Esau, King David, King Solomon, etc.). And that is true. However, I believe that when you make theological arguments from exceptions, you’re on slippery ground. They are exceptions because there’s a rule there. For example, people love to point out Deborah as an example of an exception—but this is an exception, not the rule. It’s notable because it’s an exception. And this exception was exercised by God in his wisdom, not by mankind in our fallibility.
Affirmed in the new testament
The New Testament seems to support this view. Without getting into the rest of these controversial passages, pay attention to the fact that Paul supports this view of Adam being created first and that giving him authority:
“Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve…” 1 Timothy 2:11-13 (emphasis mine)
“For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. 8 For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” 1 Corinthians 11:7-9 (emphasis mine)
I recognize that some of you reading these passages already have your hackles up because of the context of these verses. I just ask, please, to focus on the point I’m trying to make: Adam was created first and then Eve was made from Adam. This would have been significant and relevant to ancient Jews and to New Testament writers thousands of years later. When we properly study scriptures, it’s important to figure out what this would have meant to the first readers. The Bible can’t mean something to us now that it didn’t mean to first readers back then. Ancient Jews likely would have read this creation account and understood that man being created first was significant and gave him authority.
Another way to look at it is this: could God have done the creation order in a different way? Absolutely! He’s God. He could have created Adam and Eve at the exact same time (as He seemed to do for male and female animals). He could have even created Eve first. But He didn’t, and the fact that He intentionally created humankind in this order is significant.
Now, back to the Genesis account:
God makes woman, “a helper suitable” for Adam. This term “helper” is often used by complementarians to show that woman is inherently subordinate to man, but the term doesn’t seem to imply that.
The word ‘ezer’ or ‘helper’ is used all throughout the Old Testament and, in fact, it’s often used to describe how God helps. There’s nothing in the term itself that seems to imply that the helper is in a lower position of authority to the person they’re helping. (You can look at those verses here: Exod. 18:4; Deut. 33:7, 26, 29; Psalms 20:2, 33:20, 70:5, 89:19, 115:9-11, 121:1-2, 124:8, 146:5; Isaiah 3:5; Ezek. 12:14; Hos 13:9; Dan. 11:34)
Ezer kenegdo can be translated ‘a life-saving partner standing face to face with him [Adam/man].’ God created us as women to strengthen our male counterparts—not to be subservient, but to protect them as they lead us. To stand side by side with them, face to face, and go through life together. God says ‘it’s not good for man to be alone’ and so he made woman for man. This is a beautiful thing. To not have to go through the darkness of life alone—to have someone who will stand beside you and fight your battles together. Praise God for His perfect design.
Verses 24-25 are significant in that God sets the foundation for the family unit: husband and wife, together. This is the center of the family and human culture.
God didn’t just make one man and one woman, He made them to be joined together (v.24) and to have intimacy (v.25). Marriage is presented as God’s original design for humanity, not a later custom fit in to the narrative.
Jesus affirms this as God’s blueprint (Matt 19:4–6; Mark 10:6–9).
To summarize significant points from the creation event:
Both male and female are created in God’s image and given dominion over the earth.
Adam was created first, from the ground. Eve was created later, from Adam. To ancient Jews, this would have signaled Adam’s authority over Eve.
Humanity is incomplete without the creation of woman.
God instructs and commands Adam to avoid the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Eve was created as a helper to Adam, but this does not necessarily imply inherent subordination.
God’s creation of male and female, husband and wife, is the basis of the family unit and of humanity as a whole.
Before we move on, let’s consider this for a moment: could God have ordered creation in a different way? The answer is: of course He could, He’s Almighty God!
What if God had created Adam and Eve at the same time, both of them out of dirt?
What if, instead of Adam naming Eve, they each named themselves. Or better yet— what if Eve named Adam? How would this have changed the creation narrative?
It’s important to realize that the way God designed things, the way He ordered creation, was and is intentional. God didn’t accidentally take Eve from Adam’s ribs. He didn’t accidentally give Adam the task of naming Eve. He wasn’t unaware of the potential future consequences of tasking Adam with His first command.
The bottom line: God’s creation is good. He is sovereign and He didn’t make any mistakes with how He chose to create man and woman.
what does biology tells us?
To discuss this further, let’s dive into biology.
At this point in the creation account, it feels like a good time to take a step back and look at biology. Despite what some scientists believe, science is the study of what God has created—so when we look at biology, we’re given a glimpse into God’s design. I think that will be helpful in this discussion about men and women.
First, it’s important to note that we are gendered at the moment of conception. The moment the sperm hits the egg, it is either male or female.
We’re going to take a quick look at some of the hormones that shape men and women: testosterone, progesterone, and estrogen. Both men and women produce all of these hormones, but in different proportions. It’s this hormonal balance that shapes our brains, bodies, and behaviors. They play a role across all life stages—not just during puberty, but from inside the womb to childhood and even old age.
Testosterone
Testosterone is often called the male hormone because it’s the dominant hormone in men. Generally, adult men have 10-20 times more testosterone in their bodies than women.
Physically, testosterone is responsible for building muscle size and strength, bone growth and overall height and body composition. It’s the reason why men are generally stronger, taller, faster, and have less body fat.
Testosterone doesn’t just affect physical aspects of people. Research shows that testosterone has both organizational effects (meaning that it shapes the brain and behavior) as well as activational effects (meaning that it influences behavior in real time). Testosterone literally “masculinizes” the brain, even in early childhood. For example, studies find that even in early childhood, boys on average engage in more “rough and tumble” play and show higher activity levels than girls. This is seen not only in human males but in primates as well. Testosterone is likely responsible for this (source).
At eight weeks old, a male embryo is bathed in testosterone and continues to be exposed to testosterone all throughout the pregnancy. A female embryo, however, are exposed to little to no testosterone.
Testosterone is responsible for traits like competitiveness, assertiveness, and risk-taking.
Progesterone & Estrogen
The female sex hormones, estrogen and progesterone, operate differently than testosterone.
Estrogen, the dominant female hormone, plays a big role in the development of women’s bodies. It’s why women tend to be shorter (because it causes the growth plates in long bones to fuse early), have more body fat, and wider hips.
Behaviorally, estrogen is associated with emotional modulation, empathy, and nurturing behavior. During pregnancy, estrogen and progesterone levels rise which helps with maternal responsiveness and bonding with their newborn. After birth, prolactin and oxytocin increase to help with breast milk production and bonding. (Interestingly, father’s estrogen levels rise as well after childbirth for the same reason, though not as much as a mother’s.)
The abundance of these female hormones is one reason why women excel in communication, bonding, and caretaking—crucial for raising children.
Interestingly, researchers have observed that women under stress will intensify their caregiving behaviors whereas men will more often exhibit fight-or-flight responses—a difference that seems to be influenced by the male and female hormones.
Estrogen facilitates verbal fluency, emotion recognition, and memory for detail.
For example women’s object location memory advantage is likely influenced by estrogen’s effect on the brain (“honey, have you seen my keys?”) whereas males tend to excel in spatial abilities (like mental rotation and navigation) likely influenced by testosterone (source, source).
It’s important to note that women’s hormone levels are created to fluctuate throughout their lives—with estrogen, progesterone and even testosterone levels rising and falling throughout the month and as women age. This influences cognition and mood. (As frustrating as it is for women to hear the question “are you on your period?” when we’re in a bad mood . . . there is truth to it. Though for the men reading this, I don’t recommend asking this question. Just get her some chocolate and a hug. That may go over better.) (source)
The balance of these hormones within males and females is different too.
When a man feels unsuccessful, his estrogen goes up and his testosterone drops, creating a gap between his testosterone and estrogen, which causes feelings of sadness. However, the opposite is true for women: when a woman feels overworked, disconnected, or emotionally unsupported, her testosterone levels rise and her estrogen drops, leading to feelings of stress and overwhelm (source).
For women, when they feel connected, supported, appreciated and are in nurturing environments, their estrogen rises (source).
Side note: this is why hormone replacement therapy cannot make a man become a woman or vice versa. God created us to have different hormonal needs that are specific to our gender. So if you pump a biological male full of estrogen, what do you think is going to happen? There is (so far) very little data on this, but trans people who have undergone hormone therapy have a 5% past-year suicide attempt rate versus the average population’s 2% past-year suicide attempt rate (source).
The male and female brains are biologically different from one another. For instance, the brain region that drives sexual pursuit is about twice as large in males as in females. At puberty, these differences become especially pronounced: girls’ brain chemistry tends to emphasize attractiveness and social appeal, while boys’ is more strongly oriented toward sexual pursuit (source).
Eleanor Macabee, a Stanford researcher, did extensive research at preschools with 3- and 4-year-olds. It showed that about 90% of the little girls were interested in relationship play (playing house, pretending to be a mommy, etc.) whereas about 90% boys were more focused on rough and tumble play. No one taught them how to do this—it’s how they’re wired. Of course our culture tends to reinforce this, but studies have shown that this very early level of play isn’t “taught,” it’s a natural impulse for 90% of boys and girls (source).
An interesting study done by Ruth Feldman shows the differences between men and women’s brains as parents. For example, brain scans on parents show that when their child cries, men and women’s brains light up differently. A mother’s amygdala (the part of the brain that’s involved in emotion and vigilance) lights up. Whereas father’s brains show more activation in the prefrontal cortex, the “problem-solving” part of the brain. So moms tend to have an emotional jolt whereas dads go into fix-it mode (sound familiar?). And guess what? Your child’s brain is wired to need both responses. They need the emotional responsiveness of their mother and the problem solving of their father (source).
Reading this, it’s almost as if God intentionally designed us to complement one another—to complete each other with our differences and strengths. One is not more important than the other—but they are different.
It’s important to note that biological norms are just that—norms, not hard rules. You might feel like your hormone levels don’t line up with what’s ‘typical’ for your sex, and that’s completely valid. Hormonal variation is real. Some women naturally have higher testosterone, and some men have lower levels—that doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong. And if you’re on birth control or considering hormone therapy, keep in mind these can significantly influence your hormone profile (even altering what you find attractive in a mate!). It’s always worth having a thoughtful conversation with a healthcare provider before making any hormone-altering decisions (source).
Why is this important? Why even look at the biological differences between men and women when we’re doing a Bible study?
Biology is the study of what God has made and when we look at that, we can glean information about God. Of course, science gets things wrong all the time—we have to always prioritize what God’s word says over and above any scientific evidence because science is flawed and God’s word is flawless.
It’s abundantly clear that the way God made men and women is not the same. We have different biological makeups, different inherent strengths and weaknesses.
When I look at biology, I see that God created men and women to be equally valuable but different. We cannot—and should not—interchange a male for a female and vice versa.
God’s design is beautiful and intentional.
I love being a woman. I love how God created me to have the strengths that I have. To balance my husband, to care for my family, to see the things that my husband and kids can’t see and care for them in ways that they can’t.
Men have essentially been the leaders of every major society and every civilization since the beginning of time. There are two competing explanations for that: either there is an underlying patriarchal sin that simultaneously occurred across every continent for thousands of years, or…men have been biologically designed to lead and naturally take up this role. I’ll let you guess what my opinion is.
Instead of fighting against God’s beautiful, intentional creation design—why not embrace it? Why not see it for what it is: the foundation for society involving two harmonious yet different halves that come together to create life. God’s design is lovely and good and right! Praise Him for what He has created. Praise Him for how He has made you—and if you’re married, praise Him for how He has designed your spouse. Your spouse was never meant to be like you, never meant to fill the role that you fill, never meant to be interchangeable with another gender.
My call to you today: study God’s creation design, praise Him for His infinite wisdom and beauty, and embrace the role that He placed you in.
Now let’s look at the fall:
"Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made.
He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You[a] shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” 2 And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, 3 but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” 4 But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. 5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise,[b] she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool[c] of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?”[d] 10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” 11 He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 12 The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” 13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:1-13, ESV 2016)
Here are some things to note about the account of the fall:
Adam’s accountability before God seems different than Eve’s. Despite the fact that Eve was the first to sin, who did God approach first? Adam. Why would that be? The most natural response to this is that God had placed Adam in a role of authority with his wife—He had given Adam instructions for both Adam and Eve. God expected Adam to oversee that they both upheld that command. So when they both sinned, God goes to Adam, whom He put in a place of authority.
In the New Testament, it seems that Adam is the one held primarily accountable for the fall (Romans 5:12-21, 1 Corinthians 15:21-22, 45-49). Why would this be the case if Eve were the first to sin? Why doesn’t the New Testament place the blame squarely at her feet? Again, the natural response to this is that in Genesis 2 (before the fall), God placed Adam in a position of authority with his wife.
If men and women’s roles were completely equal, the Bible would say that “because Eve sinned, all have sinned.” But it doesn’t say that. It says because of Adam’s sin, we all have sinned. Why is this? Because of the authority given by God to a husband to lead his family.
Just as a commanding officer has to answer to his general for the actions of his troops, so husbands must answer to God for their families. Just as a CEO has to answer to his shareholders for the integrity of his employees. Just as all of the medical professionals involved in a surgery have to answer to the lead surgeon—if something goes wrong in that surgery, the surgeon is the first one you’re going to look to. Because he was put in charge of that surgery by the patient and the authority of the hospital.
We’ll dive into male headship in the scriptures in a future article.
Let’s look at the differences in the curses that God put on Adam versus Eve.
14 "The Lord God said to the serpent,
“Because you have done this, cursed are you above all livestock and above all beasts of the field;on your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life.15 I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring[e] and her offspring;he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.”
16 To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children.Your desire shall be contrary to[f] your husband, but he shall rule over you.”
17 And to Adam he said,
“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the treeof which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;18 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field.19 By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread,till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken;for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”
Let’s dive a little more into the second part of verse 16: “Your desire shall be contrary to[f] your husband, but he shall rule over you.” (ESV 2016)
The meaning behind this verse is debated but one thing that helps me understand the meaning behind it is Genesis 4:7 when God is speaking with Cain about his conflict with Abel. God says about sin, “its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.” In the original Hebrew, the translation between this verse and Genesis 3:16 is almost identical.
I believe what God is saying here is that a woman will desire to control her husband (just as Cain’s sin desired to control him) but that it won’t work out smoothly.
Whereas in Genesis 2, we have the harmonious, tensionless authority of Adam over Eve, now with the curse God is introducing this idea that there will now be tension over Adam’s authority.
Some people argue that the curse shows that a husband’s authority over his wife is a result of sin and the fall—and therefore something to fight against, not submit to. But this argument only works if God had not put Adam in authority in Genesis 2 before the fall.
With the curse, God is telling Adam that farming and working the land will now be hard—He’s not saying that farming is now bad. He’s saying there will be thorns and thistles within farming.
With the curse, God tells Eve that childbearing will now be difficult. He’s not saying that childbearing is now bad. He’s saying it’s going to be painful.
In the same way, with the curse, God is saying there will now be tension between a husband and wife in the authority dynamics in their relationship. He’s not saying that a husband’s authority over his wife is bad. He’s just saying it will now be harder.
The solution to the curse is not to get rid of a husband’s authority. The solution is found in Ephesians 5:
22 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." (Ephesians 5:22-28, ESV 2016)
The solution is that a woman needs to voluntarily submit to her husband. To make his authority easy—not for him to have to fight for authority.
The solution is for husbands to sacrificially, lovingly guide their wives in Christ.
When this is actually exhibited by believers, it is a beautiful thing! For those of you who have never experienced or seen a husband/wife dynamic where the wife submits to her husband, respects him, lifts him up and a husband who lays down his life for his wife, guiding her closer to God while walking close to Christ…it’s a truly amazing thing to behold. And it’s just how God created it to be in Genesis 2. This is the ideal, not a result of the curse but a result of the supreme wisdom and sovereignty of God.
Look, the husband is the head of the house, not because he is superior but because he has been given that authority by God. He has to answer to God for the leadership of the household. I believe on the day of judgment, my husband will have to stand before God and not only give an account for his life—but also give account for how he led our family. Adam’s failure to lead his wife into righteousness echoes throughout history and the Bible.
Bottom line: I believe that what happened during the fall is that Adam abdicated his role of leadership. He did not lead his wife away from sin as he should have. For her part, Eve was discontent. She had everything she could have ever wanted, and yet she wanted more.
This is the exact challenges facing us as men and women today: Will men fulfill their role as leaders in the family, or will they drift into the background and let their wives attempt to fill the role of both mother and leader? Women: will you be so caught up in all the things you don’t have that you miss the beauty and glory of all that God has given you? All that He has created you to be?
Don’t be deceived: the very battle that brought sin into the world is very much alive today. Let’s open our eyes and be aware of what the enemy is trying to do. He wants to rip our families apart. He wants our men to be weak and useless. He wants our women to be discontent and bitter. And when the very foundation of society that God built is so completely weakened that it is utterly useless, the enemy will have triumphed.
Let’s not let that happen.
So, what practical applications can we take from this?
Men and women are equally valuable to God and to creation. They both point to aspects of God, yet in different ways.
We are meant to work together as a family unit.
A husband has a unique role of authority over his family to protect them from sin and guide them toward God. A wife has a unique role to look out for her husband and family.
Let’s chat, women.
Are you discontent in the role God has given you?
Do you see your value to God and to the family of God?
Earlier, we discussed the meaning of ezer kenegdo as being ‘a life-saving partner standing face to face with him.’ This is my question for you, wives: are you more concerned with your own life and ambitions than you are with the state of your husband’s spiritual and mental wellbeing? God has given you the role to look out for your husband, to care for him, support him, be the one who sees the danger for him and meet those needs. But if we’re too busy striving to be like men, to take their role on our shoulders, we’re missing out on our created purpose.
Here’s the reality: we don’t have to compete for this role of authority with our husbands. We can submit and enjoy God’s design. I’m not saying it’s easy to submit (though if you have a godly husband, it should—for the most part—be a joy!). It takes strength and humility. But what I am saying is that because of your submission, you can have peace in your home. You can have harmony.
Harmony. Not two lead vocalists vying for the loudest noise—but two voices working together to bring about the most beautiful sound. Together.
Women: God made you in a very specific way to fulfill a very specific role in society. He crafted your brain, your body, your hormones, to be different than a man’s. Instead of fighting against that truth, let’s revel in it. God made us the lifeblood of society, the multipliers, the home-makers, the ones who watch out for our men and our children.
God made us as women to be life-givers. That is an incredible, miraculous thing that reflects God’s own life-giving, creator nature. It’s a unique gift that men do not have. It’s our super power! And yes, we give life physically but I believe God has granted us the power to give life spiritually, emotionally, mentally to the people around us.
One of my favorite reels going around on Instagram has an audio that says, “Men and women are not the same, and that is a blessing. He provides and protects. I multiply. He is the head of the family. I am the heart. He provides the shelter. I give it a heartbeat…He takes care of my outer world. I take care of his inner world. He gave me love. I gave him life. Our roles complement rather than compete.”
This is a beautiful description of God’s creation working in harmony. Let me be clear: I’m not saying you need to be a homemaker or make dinners or even have children to complete God’s role for you as a woman. But I am saying that as a woman, God gave you the life-giving trait—to nurture, to give, to infuse heart and love into His creation. That is beautiful and so needed. Satan wants to steal our joy in this area (John 10:10a). Please don’t let him.
If you’re single and wondering how this applies to you, let me encourage you: your life and your relationships are still meant to reflect God’s heart. You don’t need a husband to walk in His design. You already are an ezer kenegdo in the ways you serve, support, and stand strong in His kingdom. Never forget—you are valuable, and God’s plan for you is good.
When I think about single women who have this heart that reflects God’s design and plan, I think of my friend, Rita Hoyt. Rita lived with us for four years, so I know her pretty well. She’s a fiery and passionate 74-year-old woman. She’s led so many people to Christ. If you know her, you know that she won’t back down from the truth. But one of the (many) things that I admire about Rita is that she humbly submits to leadership—despite her age, her experience in the faith, and her opinions. In the years we lived together, I saw Rita navigate challenging situations with male leadership that she approached with humility and submission, truth and grace.
I believe that there’s a temptation for married and single women alike to be discontent in the roles that God has given them. I would encourage you to search your heart for the source of that discontentment and bring it to God. Let Him guide you with His purpose, plan, and will.
I recognize that this is a countercultural stance. But this is what it all boils down to: Do you trust God? Will you trust His sovereignty and wisdom that this is how He, in His infinite wisdom, designed the world to function optimally? Yes, it’s counterintuitive to what the world is telling us. But, let’s remember that “the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men” (1 Corinthians 1:25). The world may call this foolish. But we know it as wisdom.
It wasn’t until I became a mom that I began to understand my role in God’s story. Exhausted, pouring myself out for a child completely dependent on me, I remembered Jesus’ words: “Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds” (John 12:24). In dying to myself, I was producing something greater.
As a novelist, I see life in storylines. Our lives get harder when we think we’re the main character—because if it’s our story, we believe we’re owed certain things. But freedom comes when we realize we’re not the lead.
You are not the main character. Your husband is not the main character. Your children are not the main characters.
God is.
And this world is His story, the greatest story ever told. When we embrace that truth, life becomes clearer. The question is: what story is God telling through you? One of discontent and striving—or one of peace and humility, putting His glory on display?
Let’s choose peace. Let’s choose God’s design. Let’s be people who walk boldly in God’s design, trusting that His way is not only good—it’s the best. And let’s do it all to showcase His glory and goodness.
Tiffany Chacon
Tiffany became a disciple in 2001 at the Broward Church and went on to serve in campus ministry at the University of Florida. Married to her middle school sweetheart for 16 years, she now homeschools their two adventurous boys and spends her free time writing clean romance novels and blogging about faith, motherhood, and chronic illness at mommyofmayhem.com. Tiffany holds an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Tampa and now calls Chattanooga, TN, home. You can reach her at tiffanynoellechacon@gmail.com.
Sources:
- Dr. Pamela Stearns, MD, Healthy Partners
- Anne Salsbury-Compañy, PA-C, My OB/GYN
- Dr. Leonard Sax, MD, PhD, Why Gender Matters
- Dr. John Gray, PhD, “The Truth About Hormones: How Men & Women Differ”
- Mike Winger, Women in Ministry Series
